Blowing Off Steam (You've been warned)

I really really REALLY feel like an outsider sometimes. Someone that's never a part of the group, or that I am part of the group, but hold the least importance of it...such as, oh hell, I don't even know. I want to say something yet I don't, cause I know if I do say something, someone is just going to tell me I'm being emo and selfish and they'll say "no that's not how things really are". I'll be told I worry too much and I'm paranoid and not to worry about it. It's sometimes disappointing to find that while a lot of people are very important to me, in return, I'm just a casual acquaintance to them because there are so many other people that are way more important than me to them. Does that make sense?

I'll use the following as an example.

My best friend growing up, we were pretty much inseparable. We had several mutual friends as well. Well one day out of the blue, she calls me to tell me she's being sent away to a foster home out of town due to the fact that her father had been molesting her (which I never knew about before). Anyways, she doesn't know where she's going or how I'll be able to get a hold of her. So we lose touch. I'm worried sick about her not knowing what's going on with her, and apparently our mutual friends who lived a lot closer to her than I did, managed to hook up with her and knew where she was and what was going on with her. Not a single one of them ever thought to tell me that they knew where she was and that she was alright. Much later on after the whole incident had happened, when I questioned them about why the never told me, most of them simply said, "Oh, I forgot you guys knew each other." Which was really bull.

I dunno why I'm going on about this. This has nothing to do with the incident that recently happened here as I wasn't a part of it....this is just from a conglomeration of things that have been happening lately. I do have a few very close friends who are very dear to me that I absolutely love and adore. However the majority of the people I know I think are merely acquaintances...or at least that's how they view me to be.

Someone actually told me the other day that I'm simply too weird to fit in anywhere...lol. I guess I'm just that friendly, nice girl that people like to talk to, but don't really pay any more attention to other than that. Like I said, I don't even know why I'm putting this here...I know of at least one person who's going to think they know why this is on my mind right now but it has absolutely nothing to do with what they think it does. I just sometimes need to get things out....express myself...if at least one person knows how i feel about something...although I suppose that doesn't necessarily mean that anyone could care anything at all about how I feel.

It's funny. Some people tell me that nobody cares what other people really think and feel...yet, I do. I like to read about people's feelings on various matters, or listen to people talk about things. I think I was going to go somewhere else with this, but my brain is leaking out through my ears now and I need to take care of a couple of things. I thought about making the text for this extremely tiny....cause I know most people who read this aren't going to read the whole thing anyways, and if they do, they might secretly get upset with me for making them read all this sill nonsense and they'll be plotting my demise.