alright so I'm up to part 6. I have no idea what's ahead now which is exciting.

activity 6 is ye old concentrating on an image until you can recreate it in your mind down to every detail.

i've done that. man this is really exciting.. to remember that the power of your attention is the key to..stuff. i wanna excersize my mental muscles, and watch new things unfold with my expanded mind powah. my brain will be plzd to be put to use.

maybe i should invest in a mandala.. now i know why they look so fucking complicated and weird.. those monks are practicing uber attention skillz.

i admit i haven't been trying the activities that much since i believe i've already done them. but i should still do them. so yeah maybe today.. i've been busy

Is it bad that I laughed at the last line?

I currently do not attribute the information I seem to blurt out to any particular personality except my own.

When I was a few years younger a lot that I wrote felt like I was channeling it. Sometimes I'd have different names for them. One I called fire because it always full of passion.

Another was dark, because although they were pretty negative. They were also poetic and smart. At times it was like I was a ref watching different beings/personalities duke it out.

Some of them didn't have names, some did. Some were very popular and some were very unpopular.

They had they're own font they liked and avatars even.

It was a very confusing and stressful time.

I would like to be powerful yet humble. The power I seek is suppressed by doubt and I've grown out of my humbleness a bit lately.  I can be a dick to people or atleast I think I am being a dick.  I haven't been integrating the shame or the pride that results from this.  I know my life I would change dramatically if I did.  It is fear possibly that is holding me back.  I should also be integrating that.

I enjoy helping people.  Sometimes go to extreme measures to do so.  Why do I do this? I never ask for help in return.  Most likely pride stops me from asking.  Actually, I have been the only child of 3 that doesn't ask my parents for money or help. This has been for years.  I understood that my parents didn't have a lot money so I never asked.  So I think this habit just sort of stuck and expanded to other things.

Also, I have this thing with caffeine or the desire to feel the energy.  A couple years ago I was able to go a couple of months without any sort of caffeine which is amazing to me now as I can't seem to go a day without it.  I was drinking the Monster Low Carbs daily for a long period of time.  I dropped it and did coffee for a while, but that gets expensive since I don't drink straight black coffee. It has to be a latte or something.  So cans of soda work, but that's really not that great.  Now I am trying the Sobe Energy since I noticed that they don't have the high fructose corn syrup anymore, although it's loaded with sugar now.  

It is something in my head that makes me feel like I am dragging along.  I just need to drop it I think and pursue my own energy to keep me going.  It is really ridiculous.  Again, this stems from my youth.  Staying up until the wee hours of the morning playing video games and drinking several cans of mountain dew.  I was programmed for this.  I think it is something I am meant to deal with obviously since it has stuck with me for so long.

I don't write because I have everything figured out.  I write so I can figure everything out.  Usually when I comment, I don't know what the hell I am talking about. Whatever I write just comes like I am channeling it, but some of the information gets lost and the message doesn't get through.  This isn't always the case.

I have an analytical mind which is part of the reason I am writing this.  I write computer programs. Constantly constructing/deconstructing situations/things in my head seeking the core of it.

When I meditate or charge mantras, focusing in general can be difficult. My mind tends to wander away from what I am doing. It has only improved slightly since January.

LOL Someone just mentioned this today

Illinois LARPing

For the past few days/weeks I've been focusing on my ear chakras

Each day or so the stimulation is more intense

Hopefully I'll soon have clairaudance

I think labor day has a curse on it 

I can't seem to get any work done or find any good information. Even ebay isn't letting me search stuff.

darn you curse, I want to get work done

Stop making each hour last a day

Can't tell if my evil plot to create lots of debates and make AS more active is being successful. But really AS needs more real psychics   I remember getting on here years ago and being like wow at some of how deep the stuff was.

Where'd they all go 

Not just here, but everywhere

I already love myself

Loving yourself doesn't mean you don't seek self improvement. It means you only allow yourself to put up with so much (if any) abuse.

It doesn't mean sometimes I won't take spiritual risks either if the reward is good enough or important enough to me.

Love yourself, that's all that matters. Any other form of love is wasted unless it is returned equally.

My apologies for derailing the thread. I will say no more I promise.

(Delete these if you want)